Letters To H Lost Love letters From the Dark War
by Lee kadivar
Summary: Lost Love letters From the Dark War HPBS complient non epilogue complient   IN school lots of essays will update when I can. sorry     Dedicated to ayac85.
1. Year One

A/N: This story is Dedicated to Ayac85 who convinced me to post this story. I wrote at McDonalds while waiting for my fiancee to get off work every night. Aya just finally convinced me to post it.

That said, I want to let everyone know that this is not a conventional story. However, it does go with another story that I will try to post after I am done with this one. This is more of a companion piece to the other one. Also, this is my first fanfiction I have written and I currently do not have a beta. Please leave me reviews telling me what you think. If you want to flame me please send me a private message. Also, I want to let you all know that I have different font for the letters. If you wish to see the original piece please message me. I am more than willing to send it. I typed it up in open office. Thank you and enjoy the story.

Lee

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. That being said does anyone know where I can buy the rights? I want to be a millionaire too...

Letters To H. Lost letters Form the Dark War

Year One

Dear H.,

I don't think we have properly met you yet. But I have seen you around. Especially in potions today. I don't think I would have answered correctly if I had been asked. But you, now you have a mind. To bad you are a mudblood. I probably would like you if you weren't a muggle- born. I honestly don't know why I am writing this letter but here I am . I actually meant to write my mother but I find myself writing to you instead. My father wants me to be the best academically, so apparently you are my competition. We will see.

Sincerely,

D.

Dear H.,

I was surprised to see you today. You really are smart but you can't fly with beans. I mean you can't even get the broom up to you. But I am glad to see you tell Potter no. Everyone pampers the guy to no end. Seriously. All because he stopped the Dark Lord from killing him as a baby. You are smarter than you think you are. Maybe I will try talking to you tomorrow. I tried to tonight but you were next to Potter. I think I will try to tomorrow. Anyways, good night.

Sincerely,

D.

Dear H.,

WOW, I don't get why I can't bring myself to talk to you. Maybe I will tonight. It is Halloween after all I heard that you have been doing well on your classes. I don't know why you were put into the Gryffindor house. I think you should have been put into Ravenclaw house. Than it might not have been so bad. I think that that my problem is that you are in Gryffindor. Oh well! I don't know why I keep writing to you. I can't explain it, but I haven't told anyone though.

Sincerely,

D.

Dear H.,

I didn't see you tonight at dinner. I was hoping to talk to you but I didn't see you. I hope you are okay. God I don't know why I seem to care. Your nothing but a filthy mudblood, but I do seem to care. To bad you don't care about me. Oh well! Night.

Sincerely,

D.

Dear H.,

How could you do that to me? Becoming friends with Potter! And lets not mention Weasel. Why? I just don't get it, I really don't. What does he have that I don't? What? Please tell me what...WHY DO I EVEN CARE!

D.

Dear H.,

I saw you at the quidditch game. You went running past with your hair flying behind you. It gave me an odd feeling, not sure what but it did something. Too bad Slytherin lost today, but I can't seem to bring myself to care. But I called out your name, but you just ignored me yet again. I don't know why I really care. Anyways, it is late. I should be going to bed. Night H.G.

Sincerely,

D.

Dear H.,

Happy Christmas. I noticed that you went home. I saw you on the train. I hope you have a good time. I wonder what you are up to? I talked to my parents about you. I got told that I should be ashamed for letting a filthy mudblood beat me in grades and for "obviously" getting under my skin, whatever that means. Anyways, I have had to hide my letters to you from them. I don't get it. I was\wanted to get you something for Christmas which really doesn't make sense at all. Given what you are. Anyways, just wanted to say Happy Christmas and Happy New Year.

Sincerely,

D.

Dear H.,

I didn't mean to get in a fight with Weasel. I was actually trying to goad you into talking to me. Cause even of you yell at me, at least you would acknowledge me. God! It is driving me out of my mind. You don't say anything to me. But for some reason I had to sit by you. You smell nice, for a mudblood that is. But even after all I said you still said Nothing! Blimey, do you even care? Whatever. Why do I car...?

Night,

D.

Dear H.,

I got detention today. I honestly hope that I get to do something with you. I don't know why Potter had a dragon, but seriously, I wonder if you lot got caught. And if so if you will be there. Oh well. Off to bed for now. I will talk to you later.

Night,

D.

Dear H.,

I can't believe my luck. I finally get a chance to be alone with you, and the giant oaf puts me with Longbottom. Then when I get rid of him, he puts me with Potter. Geez, what a joke. Well good night.

Sincerely,

D.

Dear H.,

So you managed to do it, huh? You guys got the house cup. Oh well, at least I get to come back. I still can't believe that you beat my test scores. Geez girl, how did you do it? I guess I will have to try harder next year. I hope you come back, maybe I will actually be able to talk to you. Who knows... What are you going to do over the summer? Wait, let me guess... Study right? Yeah you probably will once you get all your new books. I still can't believe you beat my marks. Seriously, beaten by a mudblood girl. Great... Well at least I got to see you on the train ride home. Have a nice summer.

Night,

D.


	2. Year Two

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter except what I buy at the store. Think I can buy Draco there?

Year Two

Dear H.,

I know I should be asleep but I can't stop thinking about you. It makes no since. I don't know why but I can't help it. I am going to get my new books in the morning. Maybe I will see you there. I have thought about you quite often this summer, but I haven't wanted to write to you. I didn't want my parents to catch me. They are busy in their room right now. Anyways, if my father was to catch me I know he would beat me. I know he wouldn't approve. He's already told me that I am jealous of you because you got better marks than me. Maybe he is right, maybe I am a bit jealous.*yawn* All right it is time for me to hit the pillow.

Night,

D

Dear H.,

What were they thinking? Fighting like that. In public no less. I have never seen my father act like that. And here he was telling me "it is not prudent to appear less than fond of Harry Potter". His words not mine. So those were your parents, huh? I wonder if you have talked to them about me. Can you believe it though? Lockhart is our new teacher. Seriously, come on. Give me a break. I can't believe that you are still talking to them, and still ignoring me, while your at it. Well I will see you on the train.

Night,

D

Dear H.,

I noticed your friends weren't with you on the train. Why was that?Did they chicken out or something? Well, if so then are you going to start noticing me? Or are you going to continue to ignore me? What were you- Shit that was close. Crabbe and Goyle found me. I've got to go. T.T.F.N.

D.

Dear H.,

I saw you again today. Only this time you were reading on of Lockhart's books. When do you take a break, seriously. I mean it is only the first week back. But I wonder how your class went. Uh oh! I've got to go-Crabbe. and Goyle.

Night,

D.

Dear H.,

I guess I finally got your attention. Who knew that me getting on the quidditch team would get you to say something. And you should have seen your face when I called you a filthy little mudblood. If I had known that that would get your attention, I would have said it ages ago. At least I now know how to get you to talk to me. Well, I have had a long day. So I am off to bed..

Night,

D.

Dear H.,

I saw you again tonight. I was kinda surprised. I wonder who wrote that on the wall. "enemy of the heir beware." It doesn't make since, who is the heir? I asked my dad about it but he just said that I should keep my nose clean and let the heir do what he wants. I know what I said that you would be next mudbloods but seriously who is he and what does he really want? Does he really want to kill just the mudbloods and halfbloods? I think so, but why now? Why does it have to be now? Oh well, I think I am going to go to bed now.

Night,

D.

Dear H.,

I can't believe I didn't see the snitch. I was told that it was right above my head. But what Potter was doing was way too funny to ignore. I wonder who caused the bludger to attack him like that, but it was hilarious. I think it was worth the scolding I got. Anyways I'm off to bed.

Night,

D.

Dear H.,

I know its been a few days but there hasn't been much going on. I wonder when Potter learned to speak Parseltongue. Only the dark lord and Slytherin himself can do it. I'm sorry that you got put into a head lock. I don't know why she did that. Oh my God! I sound like a love sick puppy. I shouldn't be sorry, I should be happy. Your just a filthy little mudblood. I don't know what is going on in my head but I really should stop. I think I need to stop writing to you.

Good bye,

D.

Dear H.,

I had a nice conversation with Crabbe and Goyle. I told them that the last time the chamber was open that a mudblood died. I also told them that I hoped it was Granger this time. Which would make my life so much easier. I wouldn't be sitting here writing letters to you. I have tried not to but I can't help it. Why? It doesn't make since! Why? Why? Why you?Why? Arrrrrgh! I don't get it! Just leave me alone!

Bye,

D.

Dear H.,

I forgot to tell you Happy Christmas. So Happy Christmas, H. have a good evening.

Night,

D.

Dear H.,

Oh my god! I cant believe it. I never would have thought that you would be attacked. I know what I said but it is all a facade. I don't really feel the way I act, but I have to keep face so to speak. I thought about going to see you, you wouldn't even know if I did. Well since you are petrified and all. Besides, your best friends Potter and Weasel wouldn't understand nor let me get close enough to even see you. Well goodnight.

D.

Dear H.,

I see that you are better. It makes me dare-I-say...happy? It makes me sick to realize how happy I am. The feast was good and for some reason I can't bring myself to care that we lost the house cup again this year. Oddly enough I am going to miss you to much to care. Yuck! I really do make myself sick. What kind of sick, twisted thoughts is my brain coming up with? I wonder what you will be doing this summer. At least I get to see you on the train on the way back to London. I know this summer is going to be agonizing for me. You see, Dad lost his main job. Not that I am really worried about the money, but he will be kinda testy, And seeing we have lost one of our house elves he will be really testy. Anyways, I wonder who will be our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor next year. What classes did you add for next year? I wonder if I will be in any of them. I really shouldn't be thinking along these lines but there we are. I have to make sure none of these letters are found. My father would go nuts. Probably even kill me or worse...you. "Purebloods don't associate with mudbloods." That's what he told me anyways. I wonder why he hates them so much. Anyways, I have to go. I've got to pack.

See you soon,

D.


	3. Year Three

Disclaimer: Seriously, Anyone know where I can buy Draco? I can't get the rights to own Harry Potter franchise...Pouts

A/N: I know this one is shorter the the last but I am going by each year. I hope you are enjoying this story so far. Thank you to all of you out there that has review/followed. Its nice to see that someone like the story.

Year Three

Dear H.,

I saw you today. On the train. Ugh...How could you be with Potter? Seriously, what do you see in him? I know we get our new schedules this year. I wonder if we will be in any classes together. I missed you this summer. I wonder what you were doing? I bet you were with Potter. That thought disgusts me. I think I'm going to puke. Lord help me if I ever saw you two kiss. Why...gag...gag. Just the thought makes me gag. Anyways...good night.

Sweet Dreams,

D.

Dear H.,

I saw you again today. I guess we do have another class together besides Potions. I decided not to be nice this year. I am tired of being ignored. Maybe if I be really rude to you, you won't be able to ignore me anymore. We will see...we will see.

Night,

D.

Dear H.,

We all got to sleep in the great hall last night and I couldn't sleep. I tried but all I just couldn't. One would think that I stared up at the stars all night but I didn't do that either. All I could think about was the fact that you were sleeping right across the hall from me. I ended up watching you sleep all night. Don't ask me why though. Because for the life of me, I don't know why. But there it is. I haven't been sleeping well this year anyways, and I can't figure out why. What have you been doing? You look like hell. And why haven't your "friends" noticed yet? Well take better care of yourself, okay? Good night.

Sweet Dreams,

D.

Dear H.,

Happy Christmas I was calling a few friends by floo and I wanted to make sure that I told you before I fell asleep. So Happy Christmas and Happy New Year.

Sleep well,

D.

Dear H.,

Oh my god! You hit me! You actually hit me! I can't believe it! I was so stunned that I couldn't do anything, I was so shocked. I'm still shocked. You hit me! My face still stings from your hand. You bloody hit me! My god. You hit me. Wow! So this is what your anger feels like. After all this time, I finally got you to notice me. Wow! I think I might try to get your attention more often. Bloody hell! You hit me, you really hit me.

Night,

D.

Dear H.,

So Potter finally did it. He won the Quidditch Cup. Even with us doing everything we could to stop him. Oh god the look on your face was sheer joy. It was amazing. I don't know how to describe it, but I'll never forget it. Well goodnight.

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

How are you doing? I am glad that you weren't killed by the dementors. Did you get my flowers? I had special ordered them from a shop. I told my parents it was for a girl I liked but that it didn't work out. I wonder what you are going to do this summer. I don't think you want me to write to you though. I don't know what I want to do this summer. Maybe I will see you at the world championship, but I doubt it. I wish I could see you right now. Anyways, I have to go.

Love,

D.


	4. Year Four

Disclaimer: Wait, wait, wait. I just have to say one thing first. I sadly do not own the Harry Potter Verse... I do however own this plot... *sigh* I wish I could buy Draco...

Year Four

Dear H.,

I can't sleep. I can't wait to see the World Championship Quidditch game. I am so excited. My mum and dad are going which will be weird but it is still good. I wonder if I will know anyone else there. My deepest hope is that you will be there. But I am not going to get my hopes up. I had better get some sleep though, we leave first thing in the morning.

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

Bloody hell, I can't believe it! You were there! You were there! Not only that but you met my mum. You won't believe what she said to me. She said that you are beautiful. She quickly added for a mudblood. But I wanted to say that I think so too. I wanted to scream it at her, but I didn't. My dad was right outside of the tent, so I didn't say it. I won't say what I told my mum because it was a lie. And I get the feeling she knows that too. I have to go, I will talk to you later. Please stay safe.

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

Can you believe our luck? To be part of the Triwizard Tournament? I can't wait to see what happens. Seriously, I think this is going to be interesting. I can't wait to see.

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

That was amazing! The way the dragons were. I mean wow. And who would have thought that Potter would do better than everyone else. I wish he hadn't but still. I miss our classes together though. I know I shouldn't, but I do. What are you doing? Are you dating anyone? Why did I just ask that? Why do I care? I have to go. Good night. Sweet Dreams.

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

Are you going to the ball? If you are, who are you going with? Probably Potter or Weasel. I wonder what you will be wearing. I wish I could ask you to dance, but I won't be able to. I would be in a lot of trouble with my father if I did. It doesn't stop me from wanting to though. I am going to try to get some sleep. Good night.

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

You are absolutely gorgeous. You looked amazing tonight. I mean...wow. Who would think that you looked so good? And who knew you had such nice curves? I have always known you are beautiful but wow. When you smiled...I stopped breathing. I couldn't even think and ...I think it will stick with me forever and I will be cursed to compare all females to you from now on. And you went with Krum! I couldn't believe my eyes. If it hadn't been for your eyes and your smile, I wouldn't have recognized you. I couldn't keep my eyes off you. Much to my dates dismay. As a matter of fact, you are probably still dancing. I had to leave early or I would have decked Krum. I could just imagine what Dumbledore would do to me. So I left. I might decide to sneak back up there just to see you again. Yeah, I think I will do that. See You Soon.

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

You were crying? Why? What happened? Did Krum do something to you? I'll hit him! Just say the word and I'll do it. No one and I mean NO ONE messes with my girl! Arrrghhh! I need to hit something. I wanted to go and comfort you, but seeing as you don't know my true feelings I thought better of it. I wish there was something I could do for you. You have no idea what my heart feels like right now. It feels like someone has stabbed it with a knife and is twisting it over and over again. I don't know why I'm feeling like this but there it is. I don't recognize the feeling either. I want to ask my mum about it but then I'll have to tell her who it is. I don't think she would understand. You know what? I am going to go take a shower. A very cold shower to see if it helps. Happy Christmas, I wish it was better. I hope you have a better New Year.

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

I can't sleep. It has been over a month since the dance. I haven't slept well since. I can't eat, I can't sleep and if I do manage to sleep, I dream about you. And it's not like the dreams are anything special. We are just studying. How is that for a dream? You, me, alone and we're studying...Lovely ain't it? I would understand if we were making out cause that would just mean that I am lusting after something I can't have. But nooooo...we have to study. Anyways, I am finally getting tired. Good night.

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

Arrrgh! You are driving me nuts! I see you everyday in class and now I see you constantly in my dreams. I can't get away from you. Why won't you leave me alone? Why? I don't get it. I just don't get it!

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

Not much longer until the end of the school term. I still haven't gotten the dreams to stop. But oh well, they are just dreams, right? I wonder if you think about me? Do you dream of me?I know I haven't been nice to you, but do you think about me? Mmmmmm...I wonder.

Love,

D.

Dear H.,

I just wanted to tell you to have a nice summer. I hope you have some fun. I will miss you. It makes me sick to realize that I will miss you a lot. I shouldn't feel this way but I do. Why? This complicates things and all you do is look at me. You do nothing if I pick a fight with you, you just give me a look of sheer hatred and still do nothing. Why don't you talk to me? Why am I even bothering? Your a bloody Gryffindor...I'm Slytherin. We're from two completely different worlds...and yet I can't get you out of my head. And the scary thing is...I'm not sure I even want to.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

Goodbye. I will see you next term. I didn't get the chance to earlier today. But I did see you on the train...you seemed sad. I am going to miss you. I already do. My family took me out eat tonight. We went to a nice restaurant. My folks thought I was ill because I only wanted a little soup. I let them think what they wanted. I came up to bed early and laid here thinking about you. I waited until they were asleep before I started writing to you. I don't want them to find out that I write to you. I am afraid of what they would do. Not to me, but to you. What the Dark Lord would do to you. I know what Potter said was true. I know for a fact. I have had to hear my father go on and on about it. Anyways, I am finally getting tired so I'm going to say good night. I hope you have a wonderful summer. Stay safe.

Yours truly,

D.


	5. Year Five

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything...sadly.

A/N: This chapter starts off with adult themes. If you don't like then skip the first letter. Thank you and as always, enjoy.

Year Five

Dear H.,

Bloody Hell that was close. My parents just woke me up saying that I was calling out your name in my sleep. My father demanded that I tell him what my dream was about. I'm glad that my godfather taught me occlumency when I was younger. I told him that I was dreaming that I was torturing you. He seemed to have bought it because he said good then left. My mum gave me an odd look; I think she knows the truth though. It really wouldn't surprise me at all. Before she left however, she waved her wand and put up a silencing ward. I thanked her for it saying that I didn't want to wake them up again. She just winked at me and told me to keep torturing you.

That wasn't really a lie, though. I was torturing you in my dream. Just not in the way that I let them think and to be honest it wasn't the first time I dreamed of you tied to my four-poster bed, moaning my name as I slowly kissed my way down your body. I was running my tongue down your chest, while I was thrusting my fingers into your soaking wet pussy. But every time you got close to climaxing, I would stop. Finally, after you begging me to fuck you I had thrust my hard cock into your soaking pussy. I started thrusting gently and you told me to go harder, and harder. Faster, faster you kept begging me. I started pounding into you as you were digging your nails into my shoulders, screaming my name over and over again. Just as we both were just about to climax, my parents woke me up. So I never got to see that look of utter bliss on your face as you flew apart with me inside of you. I can still feel your muscles clenching me as you started to fly apart. I can still smell and taste you on my tongue. I can feel your nails digging in my shoulders and most importantly, I can still hear you screaming my name. Draco. You had called me Draco. I just wish it had been real and not a dream.

I think I am going to have to either take a sleeping potion from now on or cast a silencing charm every night before bed. I don't know which I want to do. If I take the sleeping potion, then I have to explain to my father why I want the dreams to stop. If I go with the charm, I will have to tell my mum what the dreams really are. My mum is probably the safer bet for me though. She is usually more understanding.

Bloody hell, I need a cold shower. I can't believe how hard I am right now. Just thinking about you is driving me crazy. I can't help it. I want you so bad that it hurts. I don't know what I'm going to do... I know what my body wants to do, though. I wonder if you think about me; Even just a little? Well, I am going to try and get some sleep now. I hope you have nice dreams. I will hopefully see you soon.

Yours truly,

D.

Dear H.,

I can't believe how long my last letter was, I guess I am just getting used to writing to you. I asked my mum to do the silencing spell. She said she would without me having to explain anything. It was kind of odd. I don't get why she didn't want me to explain anything to her. But that is how it is.

I got my letter today. I wonder if you got yours. I should be going to get my new books soon. I hope I will see you soon. I can't stop thinking about you, I don't know why. I wake you thinking about you and I go to bed thinking about you. I wonder what you are doing, what you are thinking, if you are thinking about me... Well, mum just informed me that we are leaving now, I will write to you soon.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

Bloody hell you look amazing. The summer has done you some good. It is no surprise that you have been made a perfect. I knew that was coming. You didn't seem all that surprised to see that I got perfect too. I know your friend was, but that is normal. He never really noticed anything when it comes to grades and school work. What surprises me is that Weasel go perfect instead of Potter. I figured they would want their favorite boy to get perfect. Why did Dumbledore choose Weasel? Mmmm...Oh well. I should get to bed, we have class tomorrow. I hope I will see you in class.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

I saw you in potions today. Why are you always sitting with Potter? He always fails. I mean seriously. His potion was horrible. Yours however was perfect. Then again, you're always perfect at everything you do. How was your D.A.D.A. Class? What do you think of the Umbridge women? I don't like her. Oh, I know I let on that I do, but I really don't. It's all an act just like how I treat you. It's all an act. Blimey! I wish I could tell you how I truly feel about you. It's driving me nuts. I mean seriously. I had to force myself to go to sleep last night. As it is I didn't sleep until almost two in the morning. I was afraid to because of-Bloody Hell! I have to go-

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

Why did you tell Scarhead not to start a fight with me? I really want to know. I had actually wanted to walk over and say hi to you, but I decided against it. Not with all the Slytherins there, and all your friends. You smell good though. Yes, I could smell you. I will have to find that perfume if I can.

Why do I like you? Why do I give a rat's ass about you? Why? I ask myself this every day. I still don't have the answers. Do you know? I wish I could ask you. I wish you and I could just be we. (Sigh) I guess I will just have to deal for now. Good night beautiful.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

I went out to the Quidditch field to see if you were watching your friends. I haven't seen you much besides class. But I can't stop thinking about you. I was hoping seeing you would help. It didn't. I miss you in the library too. I never see you in there. Is everything alright? Is Umbridge treating you okay? I hope you aren't doing anything that will get you into trouble. Well I have to go. Hope to see you soon. Stay safe.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

I heard you were starting a new club for D.A.D.A. I applaud you. I wish I could have joined. That would have been cool. Just try not to get caught. I will try my best to help, while looking like I'm not. I really wish I could do more. But I can't show I care. I'm sorry. I truly am. Merlin, I deserve to be punched. I think I might just make that happen. That sounds good to me.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

Well I played Quidditch today. I was able to get Old Scarhead to hit me finally. I have been trying o since I last wrote. It hurt but made me feel a little bit better in a way. I still hate how I can't show you how much I care. I really wish I could. I think I am going to start hiding in the library again. I haven't done that in a while. I wonder if I will see you there again. Like last time. Mm….. Maybe. Well I have to go.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

Merlin's balls! You are so beautiful when you're angry. The way you were shaking with fury when Umbridge was talking to the giant oaf. I have never seen you so mad before. I thought you would explode. I wonder if I could make you that mad….You know mad enough to explode. I have seen you do it once. I can still feel the sting sometimes. I wonder if that passion and fury can be turned to passion in bed. Now that would be something. Argh-I have to go.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

What are you up to? I am bored at the moment. I wish you were here. I hope your Christmas break is going okay. I don't know if you are staying at school or not. I wasn't allowed to this year. My father wanted me to come home. Not really sure why though…I personally think that he is up to something, and I don't think I will like it. Not that it matters to my father any but still. Well, I just wanted to tell you, Happy Christmas and Happy New Year. I miss you a lot. I think I am coming to terms with that fact. I have to head to bed now. I can't stay awake. Sweet Dreams.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

What are you doing for Valentines' Day? I want to take you out somewhere nice for dinner, but I know I can't. I want to do nothing more than to simply talk to you. Maybe share a meal with you. But dang it all, I can't! I will probably just stay in the library away from everyone else Just don't tell anyone okay? I even made you a card. Why you ask? Because I like you. I hid it with these letters. I wanted to buy you roses and chocolates but I can't. Anyways I have to go someone's coming.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

Argh! I hate myself right now. I hate having to call you a mudblood. If Crabbe and Goyle hadn't been there I wouldn't have said it. I have to keep up appearances otherwise I would be putting you in serious danger. So I must hide my feelings along with these letters. I don't know why I am still writing to you. But over the years it has been kind of a relief; A way of saving my sanity because in these letters I can express my true feelings and my real thoughts. I don't have to pretend I believe everything that my father spews out of his mouth, and I don't believe most of it. Not anymore, you have changed that. Blimey, it's getting late. I have to go and get some rest. I will write again when I can.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

Those fireworks were amazing! I have to give the twins credit; they sure do know how to create mayhem. And the best part, you're smiling again. It's refreshing and invigorating to see you smile. It makes my heart soar, I hate to see you so down. I miss seeing you smile, I really do. I wish you could smile at me, just once in my life. (Sigh) I wish things had be different and that I could show you the real me. But all I can do is write these letters to you and hold onto the hope that one day you will get the chance to see the real me.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

Why did you leave the Quidditch game? Where did you head off to? I didn't tell anyone that you left but do me a favor will you? Stay safe and try to behave yourself. I don't want to have to do anything to you. That would hurt me more than I can explain in words. I just wish I understand why. Maybe someday I will understand the emotions raging through my heart. Ahh…I better go, the game's ending.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! Why did you point out that we would want to use it! I honestly wanted to go and make sure you would be safe! You did me proud with your act though. All those fake tears (chuckles) and everyone bought it. You had them all fooled the stupid idiots. Even your friends didn't know they were fake tears. I knew that they were fake; simply because I have made you cry more times then I really care to admit. Besides once you pointed at us I thought for sure they all would have noticed that there was a mischievous glint in your eye instead of a sad one or one of fear.

The girl weasley got a good hex on me, but I got that taken care of already. I saw you head into the forest with Umbridge. Just….stay safe…Please stay safe.

Yours Truly,

D.

Dear H.,

Thank god you're safe. I am so relieved. I was worried when I found out what happened from my mother. I am happy that you didn't die. But what were you thinking?! Going there by yourself?! Don't you know anything?! Merlin's balls girl, you're going to give me a heart attack. Blimey, don't do that again. I was so scared I couldn't sleep. I keep replaying what I had been told happened over and over again in my head.

Well, I guess everyone now knows that Old Scarhead wasn't lying all this time. I am just glad that you're alright. I'm heading home tomorrow and I hope that you get better soon. I know you still have to recover but my mother swears that you'll make a full recovery. Why she thought I would want to know is beyond me but as it is I am glad she told me. Maybe she really does know how I feel about you. However she did write it as an insult; "…and the mudblood slut is going to pull through too. According to the medi-witches at St. Mungos, she has a long recovery but she'll make it. It's a shame that Dovol didn't manage to cut deeper. Then she would have bleed to death. But nooo the stupid girl had to cast a strong shield charm to protect herself. She'll have scars though to remind her of it every day. Maybe now she'll learn her place."

Now to anyone who doesn't know my mother she looks to be putting you down, but let me tell you a secret. My mother wouldn't have put it in the letter if she wasn't proud of you. She never calls anyone anything disrespectful, even mudblood, because it's not proper for a woman to stoop that low. She would prefer to remain aloof and just not mention you at all. Or say something like 'that girl' or 'the smart one' so that way she's not really distinguishing you as an actual person. I know weird yeah? But there it is. And she let me know who it is who did it so that way I can avenge you someday…if I get the chance.

Please get better over the summer so I can see you next year. Hogwarts wouldn't be the same without you.

Missing You,

D.


	6. Year Six

Disclaimer: YAY! I finally own Harry Potter…. well all the books that is. I am looking to buy the rights, but I can't seem to get them from J.K. Rowling…Why won't you sell me Draco and Hermione at least? Why?

Chapter 6

Dear H.,

How have you been doing? Any better? Are you staying safe? I hope you are. I have had to learn occlumency over the summer. Everyone thinks my Aunt Bella taught me but actually it was my mother; just another one of those cover stories. A lot has been happening here over this summer and not all of it is good. My father is in jail (I'm sure you know that by now) and I can't be happier about it. He's a sick bastard who deserves what he got, but I have to play the whole I'm pissed off about it and I hate that he's there. Blah, blah, blah I honestly can't give a flying rat's ass. However, I have been given the 'opportunity' to make up for his failure (gag me), but what choice do I really have? If I do it, I'll lose you and probably my humanity and if I don't than I'll probably die or my mother will. Don't really care about myself since without you my life is meaningless, but I do care about my mother.

And here's the clincher, if I don't do it then the sick sycophant will invade my mind and force the reason that I refuse out of me. Now that is something I can't let happen. If he did that then he would find out about you and my feelings and letters to you. I can't let that happen since he would use that against me then ill you anyways while I'm forced to watch. I would rather die than let that happen, but again, that's not an option. So in the end, if I have to let you hate me to keep you alive then so be it, at least I know you will be alive. I care too much for you to let you be hurt, I realize that now. I have always known that no matter what you would never feel the same as me because of all that I have done to you, but now I have no hope at all that you could possibly ever forgive me. All I have is the hope that you will survive this and live a happy life. That is now my goal for my life. Do everything I can in my power, even at the cost of my humanity and soul, to make sure you live a happy long life. I just hope that it will be enough to keep you alive. I have to go now but I will write when I can. I promise.

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

I don't know what to do right now. I just got my letter from school and I am not sure what to do. I really want to see you but I am afraid (yes I know.. shocker!) that if I do then I won't be able to hide my emotions from you. I know that I have been doing it for years now, but things are different and HE is so much stronger than me. It is easier to hide them over summer when you are far away from me, but now that you'll be closer...I'm not sure I can do it. I am constantly being watched. Even now as I sit here and write to you I am being watched. I have managed to keep these letters hidden. If anyone reads them they just see old class notes that I want to keep for the upcoming N.E.W.T.S. I know that I won't be able to write again until after school starts so please understand that I am thinking about you but I can't risk someone being curious and finding out what these really are. So until then…

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

I wasn't going to write to you this soon but I have to. I feel awful about what happened today. I didn't want to let on how much I care about you but I think my mom saw it anyways but we were being watched. We are always watched. I wanted my mom to get a good look at you without her (or you) knowing it. But can you tell me who hit you? I don't want to send them flowers, unless they are man eating flowers. I honestly just want to go beat them up for hurting you. No one should ever hit a girl, even my father believed that (at least as far as purebloods are concerned).

But that isn't what made me write to you. I want to know what the hell you were thinking following us! Especially into Knockturn Alley! I saw you enter the shop when I remembered that I had forgotten something. I saw you leave the store too, thank Merlin you disappeared after that. I just wish you would a bit more cautious. There are a lot of bad people in that alley and the last thing I want is for you to fall into the wrong hands. So just stop being so stupid and take better care to protect yourself. It would kill me if you were to die especially if the reason is you being so stupid. I have to go now but I will see you on the train. Oh by the way, you looked wonderful and I am so glad that you are doing better.

Forever yours,

D.

Dear H.,

It was interesting to see you again. You look amazing. You looked exactly the same as I see you in my dreams, I just wish you were smiling. In my dreams, you are always smiling. I have no hope of you ever smiling at me, not now and not in the future, especially after what I have to do this year. I wish that I didn't have to do it. Honestly I just want to whisk you away and going into hiding until after this stupid war is over. But unfortunately I have the feeling that you are going to be needed before this is over. I have to start dating Pansy (gag!) because it would seem odd that I am not dating anyone and it would draw more attention to me then I care too. I really don't like the girl and I hope she doesn't expect us to do anything besides being scene together. As long as I can keep people from being suspicious of me and not asking to many questions then I should be fine. Don't worry, I will still be writing to you when I can. I still care about you more than anything so please don't question if I care. Please stay safe, it's all I want right now.

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

Wow two classes together so far. It is odd to not have Snape as our potion's teacher. I don't know if I like it or not. I wish I had won the luck potion though. I would have used it to somehow see you, maybe get you alone for just a second even. The Amorita potion was interesting. It gave off different smell then what you said yours was but I wonder what your last smell was. I smelt old books, dry ink and something kind of like cherry blooms. Which I know are all smells that remind me of you. Could I really be in love with you? That would be both bad and good. I know that I care for you but given that who my family is and what they are, not to mention what I have to do, I know that you will never love me. Hence it would be bad (besides the whole using you against me thing). The mere thought of me loving you sends my heart racing and gives me this incredible happy feeling. I don't want to end up like my godfather, forever loving having unrequited love for someone. But it looks like that's where it is heading. I will have to think on it some more. Anyway, until next time…

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

Bloody hell! Can you believe how much homework they are giving us? I mean, seriously, its as if we are having tests every day! Good thing that we have a bunch of free periods to study, but I have to do other things during my free time too. I wish I could spend more time in the library studying or staring at you. I miss seeing you every day. It is a shame that we don't have as many classes together anymore. Argh…It's getting late so I am off to bed before Pansy tries to talk me into a snogging session. I keep avoiding it but I am not sure how much longer I can hold her off. Sleep well, beautiful.

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

So I got the first part of what I need to do set up today, but I really hate myself right now. There is nothing I can do about it right now either. I know that Potter is trying to figure out what I am doing, but please don't let him. He's not as far off the mark as I feel comfortable with either. Although I was in detention today, it was me who ordered the necklace to be delivered. I never wanted Ms. Bell to be hurt though. But I can't change it now. I know that you hate me…I do too. The only thing I wish was that I didn't have to do this. I don't want to do this at all. I wish I had never been born then maybe none of this would be happening. I am not worthy of writing to you anymore so I am going to go. I will probably give in to my desires (I am weak like that) and write to you again but for now this is goodbye. Sleep well, beautiful.

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

Why were you crying again? I know that your house won the game today, so why are you crying? I saw you after the game from the window you weren't crying at that time. But then I saw you later in the hallway and you were crying. Why do I always stumble across you as you are crying? It makes my heart break to see you crying. I'm not sure exactly why as of yet but I know it does. Who was it that made you cry this time? I have a hunch that it was the weasel, considering that I saw him with birds attacking him not long after seeing you. I hid so that no one saw me but if you want me to, I'll hit him for you. Just say the word and I'll do it. Maybe I'll do it anyways, since I can't hold you and comfort you like I am aching to do. I wish that I could-Shit pansy is here I have to do.

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

Blimey you looked good tonight. It was worth the yelling I got from Snape just to see you dressed up and smiling. I didn't mean for Potter to see me though. I know I look sick and all but the thing is…I can't sleep. I wish I could have stayed longer to just look at you. Are you leaving for the holidays? I hope not. If you stay then I will be able to see you, and I might be able to get some actual sleep and maybe eat a proper meal for once. I am not allowed to go home for now, which I am grateful for. I just hope I get to see you over Christmas, I would make my year better…hell it would make my whole life better right now. Sleep well, beautiful.

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

I heard that you went home for Christmas. I wish you hadn't but I understand. With Weasel and Potter being away you really don't have anyone else to talk to here. And I haven't told you my real feelings for you. I can't tell you though nor anyone else for that matter. I really want to though. I wish things could be different. Then I would be happy instead of being miserable. I see that you still aren't talking to Weasel. What did he do to you? You very rarely smile now especially in Potions class. The only time I see you smile is when you are studying in the library. I usually see you there but I have to keep from giving away my feelings for you. I hope you have a Happy Christmas and a wonderful New Year. I will see you at the start of the next term.

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

I heard about Weasel getting poisoned. I should have known Slughorn wouldn't give the mead to Dumbledore. I wish I could comfort you but I don't think you would want me to considering that I caused it in a roundabout way. But what can I do; I have to do my assignment. Merlin, I was someone else at the moment. I don't want to do this. Help me, luv. I don't want to do this! Blimey, I'm crying again. If I'm not having nightmares about you hating me than I am crying because I am doing something that is making me regret my very existence. I hate myself and it's just getting worse. Just promise me that you will forgive me someday. Please forgive me…

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

Why is Potter following me? I wish I knew. Is he trying to find out what I am up to? I wish he wouldn't. I finally found someone to talk to though. There is just one problem…she's a ghost. I don't tell her everything though. But she knows some of what I am feeling. I honestly wish I could talk to you about it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't do what I am supposed to do because I can't figure out how to fix the blasted thing! Merlin why can't I do anything right? Why does my life have to be like this? Why does the one girl I want to be with, have to be an enemy? Damn it! Damn it all to Hell!

Oopps. I just knocked over my ink bottle. I have to go before it stains.

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

I heard you passed your apparition test; on the first try no less. I am very proud of you. I know that it will help you if you ever get into trouble. I wish you had been in class today though. There was just three of us there. It was a complete waste of time to be honest. But what else can I do; I only went in hopes that you would be there and because I can't fix the dang thing yet. It's driving me nuts. Shit, Pansy again. I have to go…oh and congratulations.

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

I'm sure you have heard what happened to me by now. I am not sure why Harry even started throwing hexes at me to begin with. I am not sure where he learned that spell, but do you think he would teach it to me. No? I guess he wouldn't. I was informed that I have to stay here for a while to recover. I already got a howler form my father. He paid a guard to slip it out. Oh it wasn't for fighting or anything….nope (rolls eyes). It was for allowing myself to fall further behind schedule. Yup…I nearly die and all he cares about is me completing my task. So now that I am even further behind, I am going to be in a lot of trouble but at least I will be able to sleep tonight…damn someone is coming. Be right back.

Argh! It was Pansy. I feigned sleep so that she didn't stay long. I really don't want to see her right now. I wouldn't mind seeing you though. That would be nice but its only wishful thinking on my part. I know you have no idea how I feel about you, so I know you would never visit. I heard that Snape gave Potter detention for the rest of the school year. I am surprised that Harry didn't get expelled.

Well, I am getting sleepy now. Madam Promfrey gave me a Dreamless sleep potion and I am getting very sleepy. I will write later when I can. Seep well, luv.

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

You surprised me today; I still can't believe you came to see me. I know you said you were just coming because your professor asked you too but you didn't bring anything with you. So it makes me wonder why you came to see me. I enjoyed seeing you though. Did you notice that I was nice for a change? I know I enjoyed having an intelligent and stimulating conversation for a change. I normally don't get to talk to people who can understand the finer parts of our classes. I know we only talked about potions and D.A.D.A. but it was the most in-depth conversation I have ever had.

Why can't you see that I care about you? I wish you would or that I could tell you, but…maybe…that would be a bad thing really. Argh! I just don't know anymore. Why does my head and my heart have to argue and fight with each other all the time? They just won't agree on anything when it comes to you. I just can't seem to make up my mind. I want to be near you but then I don't. I want to hold you and kiss you but then I remember the danger and change my mind. I want to make you happy but all I do is hurt you. It's just so frustrating. Bloody Hell! I just don't know what to do anymore. I know deep down in my heart that I- fuck…Pansy again…

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

I did it! I did it! I fixed the damn cabinet… now I don't have much time. Just please stay safe. Stay in bed, you will be safe there. Please, please, please just stay safe…I'm begging you to stay safe…Do Not Get Hurt, you hear me! I know you will never want to see me again after this and if you do you probably will try to kill me, but just stay safe. I don't want you to get hurt and it would kill me if something happened to you. I have to go so please just stay safe…

Forever Yours,

D.

Dear H.,

I couldn't do it…I just couldn't. I don't want to be like my father. I don't want to kill. Instead of feeling anger and hatred all I feel is love and sorrow. I was standing there ready to cast the spell and I got a picture of your face full of hatred at me for killing him…and I just couldn't do it. I still can't get that look out of my mind…I just hope you will forgive me someday.

When I heard the fighting downstairs, I prayed you were safe. Hen when I was running by and saw you fighting I whispered to you to stay safe. I don't know if you heard me or not but I hope you are okay either way.

I am waiting to be brought before the sycophant. I am not sure if he will kill me now or just torture me. A part of me wants him to kill me so that I won't have to see the look of hatred and anger towards me, marring your beautiful face. I think it would be…no…I know it would be worse than being tortured by the sycophant. I do know that no matter what I WILL keep my feelings for you hidden at all costs. I WON'T give him the means or the reason to have you captured and tortured and/or raped in front of me just to break me. I have never been more protective of anything. I will try to do everything I can to protect you, even if I have to die for it. Just stay safe and promise me you will survive this war. Help Harry win. Save the wizarding world from the fate of being surrounded by darkness. Save yourself, luv. Know that I have always cared about you and that no matter what I want you to save yourself. Goodbye, my luv. Goodbye…

Love,

D.


End file.
